Yo yo people. Utterly bored and overly stressed Wyrdwad here, writing his third new topic in a row. (:

Just wanted to ask y'all for a little feedback. See, I'm trying to figure out where to begin my first demo of Forgotten Kings (the game is NOT exactly linear, so giving a reasonably good representation of what to expect through a short demo is NOT going to be easy), and I think I picked a really good place to start... BUT, there's a lot of background story you're kinda supposed to know going into the scene in which the demo will begin, and I remember a while back, with my Dreamseekers demos, how everyone said I had WAY too much dialogue in the beginning of the game, and a lot of people were turned off of it as a result.

Not wanting this to happen with FK, I decided to actually WRITE OUT every last line of dialogue that you'd have to sit through before actually getting to play the game.

It's basically split into two parts: the actual "background story" intro, which will hopefully be displayed paragraph-by-paragraph, superimposed over a series of artistic still-shots... and the intro dialogue inside the Phoraxian bar, which occurs immediately upon Sulin and Carma's entrance into it.

There will also be one break in the middle, as you do battle with a wussy bully named Jimbo to learn all about the battle system (think FF battle tutorials here). This is the only dialogue I didn't write out, but this will be dialogue inside of battle, and is thus less likely to infuriate the player. (:

I'd appreciate it if you'd be willing to read over this dialogue -- attempting to visualize it in your mind, if possible (characters will move and do various things during the dialogue, of course) -- and let me know what you think of it. If you have any suggestions on parts to omit, add, or change, please let me know.

I want this demo to be PERFECT, so please hold nothing back. (:

Thanks a bunch!

Here's the dialogue in question:

http://forgottenkings.tripod.com/demo-intro.html

Thanks again!!
-Tom

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http://forgottenkings.tripod.com/ http://wyrdwad.diaryland.com/

Looks good to me. I took two looks at it: The first was basically a quick skim of the plot, since I misread your request. (It's two in the morning right now, and I'm tired. :)) Then I reread your request and realized I was supposed to be checking to see if anything seemed 'out of place' in the dialogue, so I went back and looked it over more carefully. Happily, I report that I find nothing amiss. Unhappily, I report that I am very sleepy, so I could have missed something. ;) Seriously, though, I remember reading over the Forgotten Kings plot synopsis a while back, (and am doing my best to forget most of it so I can enjoy playing it more when you get it out... :) ) and I think I recall which subplot this belongs to. No immediate discrepancies come to mind with what little I recall, so that aspect looks good as well.

Looking forward to the demo! Can't wait to pummel Jimbo!

-GMW-

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